you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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