Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
