oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
