She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
so much tequila, so little girl.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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