I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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