New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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