Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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