so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
