Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
