i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
