I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my being single is dangerous.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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