I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
