you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
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