1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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