Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
