wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
