i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
