I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
