Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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