I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Randomize
