i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
