Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
