Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
