Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just puked most of my soul out..
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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