i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
