She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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