I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
