I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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