yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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