I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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