He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
