he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
