Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
