i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
