True but thats because hes a fetus.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
