sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
