i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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