there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
