i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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