He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think pants incapable of making pants work
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Never underestimate the power of titties
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