I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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