I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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