dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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