and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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