if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I CAN MOONWALK!
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
