Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
