A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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