and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
