His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
