3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
