Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
