well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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