so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
