Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
