Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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