I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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