Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
