so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
