we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
