How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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